My Daily Inspiration

These 2 girls are my inspiration and I don't know how I got through life before I found their music. I don't think there's a day that goes by that I don't listen to Taylor or Miley on my ipod. I know both of them get a lot of grief for going public with their relationships with 2/3 of the Jonas Brothers and there's a lot of girls out there that can't stand them for that reason. Me, I understand where they're coming from and the hurt and the pain that they must have felt. I think it's admirable that they can write songs about it and say "this is how I feel, this is what I think of you." and not care what everyone else says. Maybe I understand that more because I myself am a writer. I know what it's like to have your heart broken for no apparent reason. To be left with unanswered questions and wondering what happened and where it all went wrong.

My thoughts over the last few days have been on him. Yes, the same him from the Fearless blog. Maybe it's the fact that summer's coming up and the possibility of running into him is greater. No matter how hard I've tried, I can't forget him. I still love him and care for him like I used to, or maybe that's what I just keep telling myself. Maybe I'm afraid to let go of him, because letting go of him would mean I have to grow up. It would mean that that entire period of my life is over. It would mean that I've changed. I've always had a huge fear of change. I don't avoid it, because you can't, but that doesn't mean that I want things to be different. I think I'll always love him, in some way. I mean, he was the first guy I said "I love you" to and fully understood the meaning of those words and meant them with all my heart. I can't believe I was willing to give up all of my dreams to make things work with a guy who wasn't willing to do the same for me if roles had been reversed. What I hate the most is the fact that I lost one of my best friends and one of the few people I felt I could really trust. There are days that I wish I could just talk to him. I get the feeling that this is all just a big misunderstanding, that we can talk and make everything better and go back to the way it was before I left in August. There are days that I want nothing to do with him. Days where I want to scream and yell and hurt him SO bad! I want him to feel the pain that I have.

"I think about you every minute, every second, of everyday

songs come across my ipod

all of them remind me of you

I can't escape you"

So girls, thank you so much for being there for me during this period of my life. I don't know if I would have made it through without "You're Not Sorry" "7 Things" "Tell Me Why" "Goodbye" I've laughed, cried, screamed, and yelled right along with you. Thank you for being able to write about the hurt and the pain of a break up or lost relationship for the rest of us that are to scared to say anything. You're both amazing girls and wonderful role models. I don't want my life to be just like yours, nor do I want to be you. I think the example you set through your music and lifestyles is amazing and something that I'm glad can be seen again in the public eye. You're both so humble and grounded and I think you deserve everything you have. You're amazing, inside and out. Keep rocking and doing exactly what you do!

Taylor, I can't wait to see you in 16 days! That will honestly be one of the best moments of my life! I'm sure I'll finally be able to cry over him. I'm excited and nervous. That means I can finally move on with my life. Finally begin to see that life truely is better without him and I deserve so much more than what he could have given me.

Love love love

Jen